Sunday, February 29, 2004
all of you avid readers will notice another new member--our young historian friend contacted me via our toll-free number recently, expressing a fervent desire to share his love of bob seger with the masses. and could i possibly refuse? can pigs fly?
and if for some reason you answer the latter question 'yes', i'll pose you another question--can they fly first-class?
anyway, here's the most embarrassing thing that happened to me today: so i'm over in jersey for a conference of sorts, and before it starts, we go in to this place to grab some coffee. i say to myself, 'hey eric, why not use the bathroom while you're here?' so i nip off to the loo, which is a single-customer job at the back of the place with one of those man-slash-woman plates on the door. i try the nob, and it turns like butter in my little paws. i start to push open the door. as i look in, i hear a high-pitched yelp as i would imagine coming from some sort of small circus animal and see a woman starting to jump to her feet. i close the door in shock, muttering 'sorry' and wait. she comes out, and says that she guesses that we know each other a little better now. i then go into the bathroom, and--LO AND BEHOLD! THE DOOR HAS A LOCK! i engage it and go about business as usual.
i mean, come on, folks--if you're in a crowded public place in the SINGLE bathroom and you're going to be SITTING DOWN, and the door has a lock, why not avail yourself of it?
and if for some reason you answer the latter question 'yes', i'll pose you another question--can they fly first-class?
anyway, here's the most embarrassing thing that happened to me today: so i'm over in jersey for a conference of sorts, and before it starts, we go in to this place to grab some coffee. i say to myself, 'hey eric, why not use the bathroom while you're here?' so i nip off to the loo, which is a single-customer job at the back of the place with one of those man-slash-woman plates on the door. i try the nob, and it turns like butter in my little paws. i start to push open the door. as i look in, i hear a high-pitched yelp as i would imagine coming from some sort of small circus animal and see a woman starting to jump to her feet. i close the door in shock, muttering 'sorry' and wait. she comes out, and says that she guesses that we know each other a little better now. i then go into the bathroom, and--LO AND BEHOLD! THE DOOR HAS A LOCK! i engage it and go about business as usual.
i mean, come on, folks--if you're in a crowded public place in the SINGLE bathroom and you're going to be SITTING DOWN, and the door has a lock, why not avail yourself of it?
Saturday, February 28, 2004
and in today's milt wilcox news: you'll all be delighted to know that milt's career, spanning from 1970 all the way to 1986, saw him play for FIVE different teams--the reds, the indians, the cubs, the DETROIT TIGERS and the mariners.
i know that this might not seem important to some of you. but that's because YOU'RE REALLY REALLY DUMB.
i know that this might not seem important to some of you. but that's because YOU'RE REALLY REALLY DUMB.
so check this out: as i was driving home from the library last night, i turn on the rock 'n roll radio. and what do i hear? that's right--'hollywood nights' by bob seger. not my favorite seger song, but it was still magisterial. oh, that smoky, raspy voice!
then, this morning, as i'm driving back to the library, i crank up the rock 'n roll again, and i hear 'house of the rising sun' by the animals. do you have any idea how sweet it would be to be able to sing that song and scream like that dude? you could really let loose.
but WAIT! there's MORE!!! i stop to get coffee at my favorite gas station, come back out, turn on a DIFFERENT radio station, and hear 'dirty deeds done dirt cheap'!!!! you can bet your behind i was ROCKING AND ROLLING.
awesome.
then, this morning, as i'm driving back to the library, i crank up the rock 'n roll again, and i hear 'house of the rising sun' by the animals. do you have any idea how sweet it would be to be able to sing that song and scream like that dude? you could really let loose.
but WAIT! there's MORE!!! i stop to get coffee at my favorite gas station, come back out, turn on a DIFFERENT radio station, and hear 'dirty deeds done dirt cheap'!!!! you can bet your behind i was ROCKING AND ROLLING.
awesome.
Friday, February 27, 2004
some of you will notice a new presence on davebergman, which is happily received by those in the front offices. you should know that he was required to pass a rigorous 12-step evaluation process, testing to the limits his love of and dedication to both the 1984 WORLD CHAMPION detroit tigers and to that mysteriously poetic leader of the silver bullet band, BOB SEGER.
welcome aboard!
welcome aboard!
here's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to me in the last two hours:
i take a walk over to the little post office window to mail in some application materials for the summer. i ask the guy working the window for a stamp. i see him open the drawer, and therein i see your traditional american flag stamps--very official-looking, nothing suspect. but hold on--he bypasses those and goes for the leftover valentine's day 'i heart you' stamp and places it firmly on the envelope. that's great. nothing like applying for something and letting the director know right off the bat that you heart them.
perhaps he'll think i'm only trying to ingratiate myself with him. after all, it's hard to heart someone you've never even met.
i take a walk over to the little post office window to mail in some application materials for the summer. i ask the guy working the window for a stamp. i see him open the drawer, and therein i see your traditional american flag stamps--very official-looking, nothing suspect. but hold on--he bypasses those and goes for the leftover valentine's day 'i heart you' stamp and places it firmly on the envelope. that's great. nothing like applying for something and letting the director know right off the bat that you heart them.
perhaps he'll think i'm only trying to ingratiate myself with him. after all, it's hard to heart someone you've never even met.
i am wearing a pink shirt today. some of you will think this compromises my masculinity.
but believe you me--i don't need any help from a pink shirt to compromise my masculinity.
and anyway, if you think that, maybe you should try PUNCHING YOURSELF IN THE FACE.
but believe you me--i don't need any help from a pink shirt to compromise my masculinity.
and anyway, if you think that, maybe you should try PUNCHING YOURSELF IN THE FACE.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
and now for today's '1984 detroit tiger of the week' tidbits. you'll all remember, i'm sure, that this week's tiger is none other than milt wilcox.
i'm sure it has escaped the notice of most of you that on august 17, 1984, the tigers drew 36, 496 fans, which broke their attendance record of 2,031,847 set in 1968. but, even more importantly, they beat the mariners 6-2 behind the pitching of MILT WILCOX. in addition, the greatest baseball player of all time, alan trammell, came back to play short stop for the first time in 39 games and got two hits. as i said, i'm sure this escaped most of your notice, but fortunately it did not escape the notice of baseballlibrary.com.
thanks, baseballlibrary.com!
i'm sure it has escaped the notice of most of you that on august 17, 1984, the tigers drew 36, 496 fans, which broke their attendance record of 2,031,847 set in 1968. but, even more importantly, they beat the mariners 6-2 behind the pitching of MILT WILCOX. in addition, the greatest baseball player of all time, alan trammell, came back to play short stop for the first time in 39 games and got two hits. as i said, i'm sure this escaped most of your notice, but fortunately it did not escape the notice of baseballlibrary.com.
thanks, baseballlibrary.com!
i like to call this segment of the show 'fun with books'. now, i was just reading around in book 6 of lactantius' 'divine institutes' and came across the following. lactantius, speaking of the sexual drive in humans, states that '...He [God] put in bodies the most ardent desire of all living things, so that they might rush most avidly into these emotions and be able by this means to propagate and increase their kind.' he then claims that 'this desire and longing is found more vehement and more keen in man...'. one possible explanation he gives is that '[God] wished the number of men to be greater'. now, if someone could explain to me the connection here, i would be greatly in your debt; how is it that by means of men having greater desire more men will be born? furthermore, is this a position that any of you in the viewing audience hold? and finally, do you know of any bob seger songs that touch on this topic?
i leave this question to your fecund minds.
i leave this question to your fecund minds.
so: i overslept again this morning, as is my habit, and it was, as usual, somewhat frustrating. but i realized today that it is perhaps even more disconcerting for those poor folks who see me walking across campus muttering curse words to myself, at a volume barely audible. so i wonder if i should make an effort to arise punctually each morning--not for myself, mind you, but because of those others, the poor innocents; you know, the kids.
man--i was driving home tonight listening to rock 'n roll, when i totally heard 'don't cry' by guns 'n roses. you can imagine that it was totally sweet, especially the guitar solo and that part at the end where axl goes 'aaeieieaaooouaeiiaaeoouu'. i'm not sure if that's the right order for the vowels, but you get the idea.
in other news--did you know that milt wilcox, this week's 1984 detroit tiger of the week, won 17 games in 1984? well, he did, and he won 80 other games for the tigers besides those.
in other news--did you know that milt wilcox, this week's 1984 detroit tiger of the week, won 17 games in 1984? well, he did, and he won 80 other games for the tigers besides those.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
i was reminded by davus demarcatus that i should mention something about the forthcoming movie 'starsky and hutch'. well, rogue, i'll play your game.
i actually went to a sneak preview of the movie on saturday, and i think it's pretty obvious--when there's some dude on a big screen decked out in sweet clothes from the 70s and his name is 'hutch', the result is...
totally awesome. especially when that dude is owen wilson.
dig?
i actually went to a sneak preview of the movie on saturday, and i think it's pretty obvious--when there's some dude on a big screen decked out in sweet clothes from the 70s and his name is 'hutch', the result is...
totally awesome. especially when that dude is owen wilson.
dig?
america's oldest man died monday in maryland at the age of 114. one article had this to say: 'Even at the age of 110, Coates was still charming the ladies during Prince George's annual celebration of centenarians.
"He really lit up every single party and event that we had for the seniors," said Irving Smith, director of the Evelyn Cole Senior Center in Seat Pleasant, who has done extensive research on centenarians.'
now THAT'S what i'm talking about.
"He really lit up every single party and event that we had for the seniors," said Irving Smith, director of the Evelyn Cole Senior Center in Seat Pleasant, who has done extensive research on centenarians.'
now THAT'S what i'm talking about.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
a recent statement of mine prompted someone smart to give me the following piece of noteworthy advice: 'My opinion on noon time v. midnight ideas is this--if the midnight ideas are not accompanied by an excess of alcohol, then they may just be worth dragging into the day. They are usually daring and
wonderful, and teeter on the edge of possibility.'
my advice to all of YOU is to stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
but not literally.
wonderful, and teeter on the edge of possibility.'
my advice to all of YOU is to stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
but not literally.
say, that reminds me. i once played golf right behind milt wilcox and some dude from espn, not too far from monroe, mi. or else they played right behind us. if it was the latter, i'm sure they hit into us. but it doesn't matter, because milt wilcox was on the 1984 detroit tigers and is therefore totally sweet.
and you better believe that on my way home tonight i'm going to turn on the classic rock radio. what if i hear 'rock 'n roll never forgets' by bob seger? the thought alone makes me giggle with delight.
and you better believe that on my way home tonight i'm going to turn on the classic rock radio. what if i hear 'rock 'n roll never forgets' by bob seger? the thought alone makes me giggle with delight.
this week's 1984 detroit tiger of the week is milt wilcox. this pitcher, at a height of 6 feet 2 inches, wore the number 39 on his jersey, weighed 185 pounds, and hit and threw right-handed. so on april 20, while you're all off busy living your 'modern' lives, don't forget that it's milt's birthday.
thinking about trying to find a static electricity helmet so that my hair will be EVEN BIGGER. if anyone knows where i could get one, please let me know.
i made it home tonight in time to catch the end of seinfeld. kramer was posing as a dermatologist and, while examining kruger, george's boss, he had the following to say: 'i've seen moles so big they have their own moles, freckles that cover two men...'
well, that was enough to make me laugh after a greek prose comp exam that was enough to make me cry, or at least say bad words. apologies.
well, that was enough to make me laugh after a greek prose comp exam that was enough to make me cry, or at least say bad words. apologies.
Monday, February 23, 2004
hi! you can talk about dave bergman on this site if you want. or alan trammell. or especially bob seger.
