why dave bergman is neat

i'm daily astounded by our elected officials, and the more i read about some of these chaps, the more i'm tempted to think it might be better to replace a slew of them with your local high school student council.

read this ridiculous story: http://www.cnn.com/2004/ALLPOLITICS/04/28/house.pledge.ap/index.html

then, more importantly, read the spoof at www.scrappleface.com.

i'm contemplating starting to walk constantly with some sort of strut or swagger. the one i'm considering at the moment is one i like to call 'the mid-70s afro funk strut'. for this type of hip and sexy gait, bellbottoms and shiny shoes are a must, along with a turtleneck, slightly flared leather jacket, and gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses.

input or ideas regarding other types of swaggers/struts will be warmly welcomed.

you'll all be delighted to know that the tigers bounced back with a 10-2 win today. is that a world series i'm smelling?

oh--i guess it's my socks.

so i sat down at a computer in the library tonight which was apparently already in use. the girl, who had gone to get some books or something, comes up behind me and says, 'um...excuse me?' i was like, 'you ARE excused--and i'm not your brah'. she was all, 'i didn't say you WERE my brah.' i was like, 'earth to computer girl--i KNOW you didn't say that. i was, like, joking.' she was like, 'could you please quit with the lame-o zoolander jokes?' i was like, 'no.'

i heard 'dirt off your shoulder' by jay-z a couple times today. it is SWEET. does anybody else feel like he's talking about them when he says 'i'm like a young marvin in his hey'?

in spite of myself, i find myself digging the evanescence song 'my immortal' (with the exception of the gratuitous rock-out section). i'm expecting beauchamp to have my back on this.

frank lautenburg is my new hero.

provided that we define 'hero' as 'person who should be completely ashamed of himself and should think about returning to preschool'.

au revoir.

this provides fairly good evidence that college students SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO 'WRITE':

http://www.dailycollegian.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2004/04/28/408f27f0591be?in_archive=1

i recently had the unfortunate privilege of hearing audio clips of some of the venomous spewage which was cast forth from the oral cavity of hilary rodram clinton in washington, d.c., over the weekend. she almost seemed to be a caricature of herself, which would have been funny had she not been so serious. at this point, i realized that the only way in which i could justify listening to her howard dean-esque ranting would be to get paid for it.

for this reason, i commend you, vance-nation. you win 'the game of life' award for this week.

for those who 'marched for women's lives', you win this week's award in 'the game of non-life'. you also receive an honorable mention in the 'huh? are they for serious?' category.

i forgot to mention--last night as i was about to hop into bed, bob seger greeted me with his radio presence in a rendition of 'turn the page'. talk about deep. talk about a song of such monumental proportions with respect to lyrics that it can do nothing other than stand the test of time. i can only think of one way to describe him: poet.

oh, wait--i can think of another: TOTALLY SWEET ROCKER.

perhaps you don't want to talk about bob seger.

guess who doesn't care?

did you ever want to know which bob dylan song i am?

of course you did!

(by the way, don't underestimate how SWEET it is that i'm called 'epic'.)

Which Bob Dylan song are you? Tangled Up In Blue

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

‘A theory of man must account for the alienation of man. A theory of organisms in environments cannot account for it, for in fact organisms in environments are not alienated.

Judeo-Christianity did of course give an account of alienation, not as a peculiar evil of the twentieth century, but as the enduring symptom of man’s estrangement from God. Any cogent anthropology must address itself to both, to the possibility of the perennial estrangement of man as part of the human condition and to the undeniable fact of the cultural estrangement of Western man in the twentieth century.

By the very cogent anthropology of Judeo-Christianity, whether or not one agreed with it, human existence was by no means to be understood as the transaction of a higher organism satisfying this or that need from its environment, by being “creative” or enjoying “meaningful relationships,” but as the journey of a wayfarer along life’s way. The experience of alienation was thus not a symptom of maladaptation (psychology) nor evidence of the absurdity of life (existentialism) nor an inevitable consequence of capitalism (Marx) nor the necessary dehumanization of technology (Ellul). Though exacerbating influence of these forces was not denied, it was not to be forgotten that human alienation was first and last the homelessness of a man who is not in fact at home.

The Judeo-Christian anthropology was cogent enough and flexible enough, too, to accommodate the several topical alienations of the twentieth century. The difficulty was that in order to accept this anthropology of alienation one had also to accept the notion of an aboriginal catastrophe or Fall, a stumbling block which to both the scientist and the humanist seems even more bizarre than a theology of God, the Jews, Christ, and the Church.

So the scientists and humanists got rid of the Fall and re-entered Eden, where scientists know like the angels, and laymen prosper in good environments, and ethical democracies progress through education. But in so doing they somehow deprived themselves of the means of understanding and averting the dread catastrophes which were to overtake Eden and of dealing with those perverse and ungrateful beneficiaries of science and ethics who preferred to eat lotus like the Laodicians or roam the dark and violent world like Ishmael and Cain.

Then Eden turned into the twentieth century.’

(Walker Percy, from his essay entitled ‘The Delta Factor’)

for the duke: here is an excellent article, if you haven't seen it (or even if you have!), on the 'documentary' monsignor moore called 'bowling for overtime' or something to that effect:

http://www.nationalreview.com/kopel/kopel040403.asp

here is part of a story from nydailynews.com, in which john kerry and his wife 'speak' (if one may use the term loosely) about abortion. i have taken the liberty of inserting my own editorial remarks.

Heinz Kerry once said that she was "not 100% pro-choice," but told the magazine [Newsweek] that now the issue is black and white for her.

"I ask myself if I had a 13-year-old daughter who got drunk one night and got pregnant, what would I do. Christ, I'd go nuts," Heinz Kerry said. [what on earth do you have a 13-year-old getting drunk and having sex for in the first place? it seems like you might have some bigger issues to deal with than the fact that you would 'go nuts'. it's also nice to see that your first concern would be for your own mental well-being, in spite of the fact that you would have A PREGNANT 13-YEAR-OLD.]

Asked if he shares his wife's views, Kerry told Newsweek, "I do not know the answer to that. We've never - she's never had to vote." [in other words: how the hell should i know? it's not like we talk to each other. i didn't even know we had a drunken pregnant 13-year-old until i read about it in newsweek.]

Kerry appeared at an abortion rights rally in Washington Friday, saying, "Abortion should be rare but it should be safe and legal. And the government should stay out of the bedrooms of Americans." [i'm sure this is probably just too nuanced and complex for me, but i fail to see any logical connection whatsoever between these two sentences. as far as i know, the government is not trying to restrict what you do in your bedroom. you can cover yourself in chocolate and strawberry jam and dance a jig if you want. the government (or, at least, a segment of it) is trying to restrict the institutionalized killing of children. get it, john? the government isn't trying to keep you from having an abortion in your bedroom.]
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oh, well. it strikes me as odd that g.w. bush gets so much media attention for 'silly' things that he might say, in view of the fact that JOHN KERRY ACTUALLY OPENS HIS MOUTH.

today i was in north philly and saw a barber shop named 'cuts dat flo'. sweet.

after a win yesterday (with an 11-run inning!) and another win today, the boys have rocketed back into 2nd place with an 11-7 record. sweet!

today was a sunny day. my roommate and i decided to do some sweet grilling. so afterwards, he was inside and i was still sitting on the porch, enjoying a cup of coffee and cranking some counting crows, of 'august and everything after' vintage. so i'm digging it, lost in the waves of nostalgia and sunset, when our neighbors across the street decide to start blasting some music of their own. and you know what they chose in all their blissful musical wonderment? incubus.

incubus.

INCUBUS!!!

can you believe that? talk about a buzzkill.

i would comment on this: http://www.michaelmoore.com/words/index.php?messageDate=2004-04-14 ...

but i would rather go urinate.

there's no experience quite like listening to people discuss the crimpiness of the fleece of sheep in italy at about 5:45 on a friday afternoon. but the really important question was also proposed (to which i have not heard a satisfactory answer): have they found any pink or blue sheep?

to this, i would like to append a subquestion: if they have been discovered, are they color-coded by gender?

today we inaugurate something called 'the game of life'. at this game, everyone can be a champ. EVERYONE. all you need is a positive attitude and a HEART OF GOLD. heck, even if you have one of the two, we'll take you.

i would further like to point out that i've visited some of beauchaplain's beautiful fields, also knows as the NAVARRE TRADING POST, an historic landmark dating back to the days of the ascendant aristocracy of old frenchtown-by-the-lake, run in the manner of a mob by the eminent (and imminent) ancestors of everyone's favorite webmaster.

in other news, 'yes, i'm for raising fuel efficiency standards to 36 mpg by 2015, and no, that SUV is NOT mine, but yes, it is my family's and i ride around in it, and yes, i feel morally compromised by that fact, and yes, that is why i pledge to defend rigorously both sides of this issue, equally supporting and refuting each position, depending on audience.'

matthew, good words about the tigers.

on this sunny morning, i hop in my car and what do i hear? 'jumpin' jack flash' by the stones, followed by...you guessed it! 'night moves' by the seeg. i put the window down and the volume UP, you can best be assured.

in an unrelated event, i had a message in my hotmail junk box from one deangelo beachamp. it makes me wonder whether webmaster 1st duke of lake beauchamplain has been fiddling around in my email accounts, taking his new first name from his favorite r&b artist and leaving out one vowel of his last name in an effort to trick me. well--I'M ON TO YOU.

auf wiedersehen.

in the words of some kid on seinfeld: 'santa's a commie!'

do you recognize the slogan 'where's the beef'? if you do, that means that you remember walter mondale's campaign for the 1984 presidency. if not, in the words of gil prose, 'you are so ignorant'. which is what our whole class was.

the tigers bounced back today with a 10-4 victory over the cleveland native americans, bringing their record to 8-5. way to go, boys!

sorry for the silence the last couple days.

oh, wait--no, i'm not.

anyway, we had a cook-out here of monumental proportions on saturday. we listened to the stones.

speaking of stuff that rocks, i heard 'against the wind' again today.

finished 'lancelot'. still processing. but don't worry--i'm going to go hegemonic on it soon.

in other news, the tigers have been having a bit of a rough spell of late. but that's ok--they're going to pick it back up.

an interesting article on the 'misery index': http://www.nationalreview.com/nrof_luskin/luskin200404150858.asp

i think kerry's version is sweet. it shows the second-most economically prosperous time in the u.s. since 1976 to have occurred under the carter administration.

uh...huh?

part of a story from yahoo! news (regarding the franken fest):

Air America, for its part, filed suit against Multicultural Wednesday in New York state Supreme Court, charging it with breach of contract and seeking an injunction forcing Air America back on the Chicago station.

"MultiCultural Radio Broadcasting's conduct in this matter has been disgraceful," said Evan Cohen, Air America Radio chairman in a statement posted on the network's website Thursday.

"To shut off a broadcast that listeners rely on without warning and in the middle of discussions is the height of irresponsibility and a slap in the face of the media industry."

Executives for the fledgling network say they have withheld payment for air time they purchased in Los Angeles in February, prior to its March launch.

They contend that Multicultural re-sold that airtime to third parties, essentially "double-dipping," and that the network should be credited for that block of time.

The network has also used its remaining radio stations in New York, Minneapolis, Portland, Oregon, and its website as platforms to attack Multicultural and its owner Arthur Liu.

Jean Heinemeyer, general manager of Multicultural's New York station, said the station has been flooded with calls from irate Air America listeners over the past 36 hours.

And he lashed out at a tongue-in-cheek Air America "press release" in which the network was going to resolve the matter, vigilante-style, by putting a crowbar to Liu's head.

"It's more than sophomoric," said Heinemeyer. "It's disgusting and frightening."

The release was removed from the site Thursday.
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first of all, i can't imagine that they really have to worry at this point about too many listeners who 'rely on' the program. second of all, the 'media industry' could stand to get slapped in the face a few times if it would get the 'industry' to actually do its job (though i won't hold my breath). third of all: what?!? people who listen to air america's programming are actually IRATE? i can't believe it!

but threats of crowbar violence should do wonders to heighten the level of discourse in this country, i'm sure. way to go, guys.

the boys got back in the win column tonight with a win over toronto. 6-2--awesome!

matthew--good words on your thesis. mine's coming along ok. not sure when it will all be wrapped up.

so after my post last night, lamenting my lack of bob seger, 'against the wind' came on, which you all obviously love if you have any taste at all. i sat back in my chair and drifted.

i wasted a fair amount of minutes that i'll never get back watching and reading about the wildly probing and insightful 9/11 commission. they seem to be moving steadily toward the conclusion that, before 9/11, the bureaucracy of the federal government was functioning as the bureaucracy of the federal government. their progress toward the obvious seems hindered, though, by richard ben-veniste's brilliant experimentation in contrary-to-fact conditions. i wonder if a commission of dancing camels would better serve the american people.

in other news, al franken's radio program has been pulled temporarily from 2 of its 5 markets. but i'm sure it's fox news's fault.

ha ha!

http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/001670.html#001670

from VDH:

http://www.nationalreview.com/script/printpage.asp?ref=/hanson/hanson200404080815.asp

tough loss to the blue jays for the boys tonight. i guess them's the breaks. but hopefully they'll come out swinging next time.

i haven't heard any bob seger songs in the last couple of days.

in other news, i've started listening to talk radio again. it's cool, because it's like being in a conversation, only you don't actually have to participate. and sometimes people get all worked up. and i'm like, 'shouldn't you people be at work right now?' and then i'm like, 'wait a minute--shouldn't i be at work right now?'

the only thing about talk radio is that they tell you about the traffic and the weather every 5 minutes. i mean, if i need to know what the weather is like on a minute-to-minute basis, i'll look out the window. i would rather here a recording of the howard dean scream every 5 minutes than the anticipated wind speed in your mother'sback yard for the a.m. of two weeks from tuesday.

finally, regarding adverbs--they're neat, but mind you don't use them too much.

alright. back in black after a sweettastic weekend in tha MI. saw owen and geoff farina at the detroit art space on friday night. some highlights: the place is pretty low budget and totally sweet, so they had a 'bar' at which one could purchase keg beer and box wine. also, i sat next to geoff farina for about half the show without noticing it because he looked like a sigma chi. not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. i'm pretty sure that he also had on mickey mouse socks. to which i totally give mad props. he was cool, and doubly cool because he played two secret stars songs.

i also heard a bob seger song on a sunny saturday while rolling through battle creek, cereal capital of the world and your face.

in other news: the tigers are now 5-1.

by the way, for the small proportion of you who are both interested in classics and cool, there is a completely awesome blog that just got started. the address is www.campusmawrtius.blogspot.com. i hear it is run by some totally sweet dudes.

hoping john kerry will open his mouth again sometime soon so that i'll have something to write about. oh, wait--he did. see his inane comments on the catholic church.

still making my way through 'lancelot'. people who have read it please feel free to send thoughts.

finally, jerome is brilliant, bitingly witty, and at times quite frightening.

yes again!!! 4-0 baby, after a home-opening win against the twins. sweet.

hope y'all have a blessed Easter. and i have every intention of making moves on the 'death cab for seger' project in the very near future. still waiting for those t-shirt designs.

YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! in their best start since 1985, the tigers completed a sweep of the toronto blue jays with a 6-3 win today. awesome.

note also: the wings won their playoff game 3-1.

you know what william faulkner said about sherwood anderson? well, i'll tell you. he called him 'a giant in an earth populated to a great--too great--extent by pygmies.'

i don't know where all the pygmies are, but i do know that i like sherwood anderson.

guess who's 2-0 now? that's right, kids--your detroit tigers, coming through with a 7-3 victory over toronto. now, i know it's a little early to predict a world series appearance, but...

here's another thing john kerry actually said, as reported in the new york times:

'In his discussions on Monday, which were among his most extended sessions with reporters in weeks, Mr. Kerry suggested that he would not allow himself to be pigeonholed as a liberal and said that he expected to win some states in the South, although he declined to name them.'

first of all, he IS a liberal (and no, i don't mean a 19th century liberal), which is completely obvious to anyone who cares to look at his voting record in the senate. i mean, i'm no aristotelian, but john kerry certainly does not defy categorization, however complex he may be.

but who cares about that.

what really strikes me as funny is that this is at least the second time that kerry has claimed support from people and places he can't name. which makes me wonder--what southern states does he expect to win? cuba? haiti?

we discussed jerome's 'adversus helvidium' tonight in class--if you would like to read an early treatise on the doctrine of the perpetual virginity of mary, here is a link to a translation: www.ccel.org/fathers/NPNF2-06/treatise/mary.htm.

in the end, i don't find it convincing, but jerome's always entertaining.

but he is also mean.

in other news, i was at the grocery store tonight and, unfortunately, didn't see any bands of merry eunuchs. i did, however, see a man with a basket full of asparagus.

yes! the tigers began their season today with a 7-0 victory (that's right, kids--that's called a shutout) over toronto. that means they are currently tied for first place in their division with the kansas city royals.

and no, i don't care if it's only the first game. we haven't been in first place for a while, so i'm going to enjoy it.

if you'll notice davus demarcatus' comment, he claims to be rocking out to hey mercedes 'again'. now, i didn't know that he had rocked out to them before--but i am glad to hear it. i wish you many happy returns and everynight fire works.

so dennis has pointed out to me that someone is contemplating stealing the blog title 'why dave bergman is neat'. see his comment on the post regarding death cab for seger (which, again, is one of the sweetest ideas i've heard in a long time).

this aggression will not stand, man.

there was just an ad for senior friend finder in my hotmail account. it had a picture of two old people in bathing suits.

by the way, dennis and i are starting a petition to get death cab for cutie to do a tribute album called 'death cab for seger'. this piece of title-brilliance was totally dennis's idea. i told my girlfriend's brother-in-law about the idea tonight, and he thought it was practically the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. more information will be forthcoming, like hopefully an email address for ben gibbard or somebody to whom we can all send our requests. can you imagine how awesome it would be if this actually happened? i know several people who would FLIP THEIR LIDS. so now is the time to get on board.

so, my cd player in my car decided to work again today (yeah, yeah, i know--i don't really think the cd player 'decided' to do anything. i realize it probably doesn't have true validity as a secondary agent). anyway, the jealous sound full length was still in there from the last time it worked. let me tell you--it still rocks bodine's face.

i also rocked out today to the last small brown bike full length, recorded before their unfortunate split-up. i was playing air drums like you wouldn't believe. it rocked SO HARD.

furthermore, i just heard 'take it easy', one of my favorite eagles songs. i quote: 'standing on a corner in winslow, arizona/ such a fine sight to see/ there's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed ford/ slowing down to take a look at me.' what do i say to that? i say, 'come on, baby--don't say maybe. i gotta know if you're sweet lovin' is gonna save me.' how can i be nostalgic for an era in which i didn't even exist? i leave this question to mr. kook.

right now i am enjoying coffee and richard buckner's 'impasse'. i think his voice is better than...well, pretty much any voice i've heard in a long time.

also, remember to set your clocks forward tonight. this necessity depresses me.

matthew is totally right--it was such a BAD IDEA to move from the corner of michigan and trumball to silly 'finance international money-lenders incorporated park, members f.d.i.c.', or wherever they play now.

hey, hey--guess what i learned today?!?! on this day in 1964 the beatles had the top five songs on the charts. that's right--the TOP FIVE. that would be impressive even for justin timberlake.

the tigers lost 13-11 to cleveland today.

boo.

also in my republic, incubus would be dragged from the poetic contests along with homer and hesiod to be flogged.

so i was driving today and some radio station had on this special covers segment (unfortunately, they didn't play 'a whiter shade of pale' by willie nelson, which i now know is a COVER). first i heard the ramones do 'what a wonderful world', which was sweet. then i heard a live recording of bush covering 'just what i needed' by the cars. this was so awful that i can't describe it. old gavin was approximately a half step flat on each note. there was one spot, at a completely random moment in the song, where gavin gratuitously shouted 'PHILADELPHIA!' this was the only part of the song i liked. i go in big for stuff like that.

but THEN, after jimi hendrix doing his version of 'all along the watchtower', i heard the most totally awesome cover song (except it was only SORT OF a cover) i've ever heard. it was from this 30th anniversary party columbia (or colombia?) records threw for bob dylan at madison square gardens--a version of 'my back pages', written by dylan but made famous by the byrds. to do this tune, they had on stage nothing less than the following list of people who are sweet: roger mcguinn, tom petty, neil young, eric clapton, bob dylan himself and george harrison. i know that matthew would think this is almost as sweet as i do. in fact, he probably heard it a long time ago. but i hadn't. and it rocked my face.

in my republic, jimmy buffet would be outlawed. i can't believe plato forgot to include that.

right now on the radio they are replaying a long bob dylan interview from 1985 with a bunch of his songs mixed in. it is SO awesome. right now 'positively 4th street' is on.

i also heard 'the house of the rising sun' again on my way home.

and speaking of stuff that's weird--i went to visit the elkion records webpage tonight and was greeted with one of the most profoundly disturbing images i've seen recently.

and speaking of more stuff that's weird...hey, hey--guess what i learned today?!?! today i learned what a trephine is. it is a surgical instrument having circular, sawlike edges, used to cut out disks of bone, usually from the skull. also called "trepan". again, courtesy of the sweettastic american heritage dictionary!

my roommate nick asked me if he could try one on me, but i told him no.

and that i was disappointed in his lack of seriousness in terms of cutting my head open.